Okay, so there is no ‘Japanese Wives’ Guide to Lunchbox Revenge’.
But there IS this amazing post on the Japanese version of Yahoo! Answers (Yahoo! 知恵袋） concerning ways in which one can get back at one’s husband by sabotaging his lunchbox.
The question comes in like this:
主人と大喧嘩しました。明日のお弁当で仕返ししてやろうと思います。
(しゅじん と おおげんか しました。 あした の おべんとう で しかえし してやろう と おもいます。)
Yesterday my husband and I got in a big fight. I’m thinking of getting revenge by doing something to his daily lunch box.
どんなお弁当だったらギャフンというでしょうか？
(どんな おべんとう だったら ギャフン という でしょうか？)
What kind of bento would leave him feeling defeated/speechless?
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Now, in America, this would have likely lead to some crazy cruel suggestions.
For reference: A high school acquaintance of mine once put a dead squirrel in his neighbors’ mailbox as an act of revenge. I was thinking I’d see something along those lines.
Instead (note, what follows are very rough translations just to get you hype, but far better to go ahead and jump over there yourself):
玉子焼き・目玉焼き・ゆで卵とご飯。
塩ッ気なし。
(たまごやき、めだまやき 、ゆでたまご と ごはん
しおっけなし )
An omelette-y egg, a fried egg (sunny side up), a boiled egg.
Without salt!
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白飯に
(しろめし に )
梅干
(うめぼし)
On top of white rice… a sour-plum.
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The above was a pretty common suggestion. There is something funny about opening one’s lunchbox to just a sour plum, though some took a more critical path…
–
お弁当って、女性の優しさとか妻の愛情の象徴ですよ。
（おべんとう って、じょせい の やさしさ とか つま の あいじょう の しょうちょう ですよ。 ）
それでガッカリさせられるというのはツライ。
A bento is a sign of a women’s kindess, or of a wife’s love.
To make him feel disappointed (through a bento) seems tough.
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Some lacked creativity…
前の晩と、全く同じ おかずを詰めてあげる・・・・
（まえ の ばん と、まったく おなじ おかず を つめてあげる）
Give him the exact same food as last night!
-
わざと箸を入れ忘れる・・・・
(わざと はし を いれわすれる）
イジメになっちゃうかな？？？？？？
Forget his chopsticks on purpose…
But would that be bullying?？？？？
-
…and some had plenty…
ご飯の上にのりで大きく「バカ」と書き、おかずなし。
（ごはん の うえ に のり で おおきく バカ と かき、 おかず なし。）
On top of the rice, write a big ‘Stupid’ in sea weed. Give him no other food (i.e. accompaniment to rice).
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ハムをハート型に切りぬき、のりで「畜生」と書く
（ハム を ハート けい に きりぬき、 のり で ちくしょう と かく）
Cut a piece of ham into the shape of a heart and use sea weed to write ‘Dang you!’ on top.
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And taking the very high route…
いつもより心を込めておいしいものを作ってあげると、反省してくれないかしら？
（いつも より こころ を こめて おいしい もの を つくって あげる と、はんせい してくれない かしら？）
Make an even better than usual lunch for him, likely to make him reflect a bit, won’t it?
–
All of which seems a little soft and, dare I say, cute to most Western viewers. But beware, here comes some…
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NOT SUBTLE FORESHADOWING: More examples of bento web-iness later coming over the next few days! Truly shall you know the supreme-ness of the average Japanese lunch, and properly shall you be able to compare it to mere white rice and sour plums!
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BONUS CHALLENGE: In keeping with the theme of eatabug’s last post, there is one totally awesome suggestion over on today’s site that involves poop, or something like it.
If you can find it and drop it in the comments with your best translation, we’ll laugh and give you a shoutout and be your friend.
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(shoutout to AJAT for turning me on to Yahoo!知恵袋)
(type it just like that and you’ll save me the trouble of filtering it. Pop it on in your keitai now, you never know when you’ll need it.)
